Best of Arthur Spooner (Compilation) | The King of Queens | TV Land

I got two words for you. – I’m staying right here!
– That’s four words. Oh, is it?
Then I got another four words, screw you! Well that’s two words. Arthur, maybe you should stop saying
in advance how many words you have. Yeah, once you do that
you’re pretty much locked in, huh? Yeah, right, OK, thank you. Wow! According to this…
Jesus is coming tomorrow! [laughing] That’s Jesus, the furnace guy! Here’s some blood money for ya! You want some more?
Here, here’s some more! Crawl for it, go ahead, crawl for it! [laughing] Actually I need that back. [laughing] Spicy sausage nugget? I’ve been called worse. [laughing] Arthur, your toast is done. Don’t tell me! [laughing] – Woah!
– Oh, hello. Dad, you can’t just come up here,
I’m in my bra! Settle down, I seen better. [laughing] Dad… are you sure you wanna do this? – You really wanna marry Veronica?
– Why, you got someone better? [laughing] Er, Holly’s writing a paper
on world war two and she wanted to speak to someone
who was there. Are you interested in the real story or just the patriotic crap
they want you to believe? Are you Jewish? – Albanian Orthodox.
– What the hell is that? [laughing] I am not moving and if you force me… I will wear only underwear to dinner! [laughing] So, Arthur, how do you feel
about being here? I despise it with every fiber
of my being. [laughing] Psychiatry is for the weak
and the decadent. Then why did you agree to come? I was promised a steak dinner. [laughing] OK… [laughing] What’s the story? Story? No story,
I was just standing here casually… Scratching my head. [laughing] You were rifling through my purse. Uh-huh. That’s only because I was… Stealing money. [laughing] So this is from me. – A potato chip.
– Not just a potato chip! A potato chip that looks
just like Richard Nixon! [laughing] – OK, no one’s gonna buy that, Arthur.
– Are you crazy? It’s a known fact
that Nixon is the Rolls Royce of presidential shaped potato chips! [laughing] Do you know what she’s getting me? Me?
No! How would I know?
You’re silly! Spill it or I’ll tell people you beat me! [laughing] I don’t beat you! My word against yours
and I can bruise myself up pretty easy! I’m like a ripe banana! [laughing] Hey, Arthur, what’s– What’s going on? Let’s see, your home on a work day,
there’s a red Ferrari in the driveway and there’s a pile of cash on the table. I dunno what’s going on
but I want in! [laughing] I know we could learn to love each other. I already love you, Arthur. Well then we’re halfway there. [laughing] What’s this? – It’s a watch.
– I have a watch. [laughing] I know but this is engraved, look. With all our love, Doug and Carrie. Well, you did your best. [laughing] Are you telling me
he’s been pouring vodka down my little girl’s throat
just to make her what he wants? Is that why she’s suddenly become
this sweet little powder puff without an ounce of gumption
or will of her own? [ice shaking] – Hey, there!
– Hi! Cocktails are served! [laughing] Oh, how did I let things get so far? I’m 50 years older than that girl,
it could never work out! Or could it? [laughing] Who says I’m happy? – I thought you were!
– Are you kidding? Being agreed with and validated! I don’t know who I am anymore,
I’m suicidal! [laughing] You know who loves Italian food?
Arthur, you love Italian food, don’t ya? I’d eat anything at this point,
just end this experiment! [laughing] Arthur, I did it as a favor for you
the other day – but I can’t let you on for free again.
– I see. Well I suppose if I have to pay
then I shall pay. – Alright.
– No it’s not alright, you little weasel! [laughing] You let me through this turnstile
or I’ll pull you through this slot and ride you down those stairs
like a toboggan! [laughing] Excuse me, don’t you work
with my daughter, Carrie Heffernan at the law firm? Carrie, yes I do! So you must have been
at the wedding last weekend. I sure was. [laughing] You’re free to go, sir. – OK, OK, OK.
– Oh! [laughing] So I wasn’t dreaming. [laughing] Marvelous. Wait a second. Where are the Dutch hookers? [laughing]

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